I did my first funeral today. He was a member of my church. If I had to pick who I thought I would bury first as a pastor, it certainly wouldn’t be this gentleman. He just collapsed at his home on Monday after an ordinary day of running errands and doing chores. I arrived at the hospital the same time as the family, and before I made it inside, they had pronounced him dead.
Two images have not left from that evening: his widow hugging his lifeless body, and his granddaughter carrying pawpaw’s shoes.
The funeral service went well, I believe. Their former pastor gave the message. Initially, for like two seconds, I was disappointed they didn’t ask me to do it, but considering the history between them, it was very appropriate for him to preach this funeral. I read the scripture, and gave the story of the man’s life, based on my interviews with the family, and did the committal at the graveside.
He was a retired fire captain, so the processional was just plain neat. Firemen served as pallbearers. We followed a firetruck to the cemetery. At certain intersections there were firetrucks parked with saluting firemen. Our route took us past the firestation where there was a firetruck with a fire suit hanging from the open driver’s door and gear sitting on the ground below.
At the graveside they presented the flag to his widow. Then they announced a last call for this man over a fireman’s walkie talkie. The dispatcher called his name and gave the date and time. I had held it together very well up to that point, but then my lip started quivering and my eyes started watering. Very sad.
When situations like this come up for the first time, my mind starts racing. What should I do? What did they teach me? But the most important thing was to just be available. Be there but not intrusive. I grieved with them and I let them grieve. I talked, but I mostly listened.
Funerals, as depressing as they are, have a way of bringing out the best in people. There were member’s of this man’s family that never said a word to me since I moved to town, but for the moment we are best friends. That will pass in time, but I think there will always be a connection, a respect, a kinship, that will last forever because of this experience.
Strong love, strange peace.
